Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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