you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
