I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
