she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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