Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
