If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
