The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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