ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
