sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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