you guys were way drunker than both of me
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
