Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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