Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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