He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
