if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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