Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just high enough for therapy.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
