I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it was like eating out sand paper
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
