look no pants
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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