so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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