he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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