Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
