I wish I could punch you in the face.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
