So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
