yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Yo dont text me then not text me
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize