I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
