Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
