he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
why is half of my head shaved?
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