how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
