More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
