I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
