so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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