My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
