I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
