From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
