He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
