bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
