Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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