I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize