i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
