I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize