How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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