great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
