Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
