Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize