CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
