Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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