he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
