I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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