i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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