she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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