sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
