guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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