Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
