I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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