I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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