You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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