I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
