Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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