Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
