May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
