btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
