community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
