you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
