I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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