I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
