Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
