If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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