i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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