Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
